Chapter 7 – The Quick And The Grin

Somewhere in the backdrop of a train station in the Ring-City of Carswood… a pugilist arrives. The station overlooks the local swap meet where you can get bootleg GLUVs, fake Pugilist Identification Cards, and other (some illegal) attachments for your B.E.F’N needs. BPs occasionally crack down on the place like low-quality leather absorbs too much grime. 

A silhouette steps onto the platform. The light reveals a New Gack hardened and bearded with the steelo of a vagabond cowboy. Long locks like a stallion’s untamed mane with shininess from the gel, you could almost taste the jheri-juice as it trickles down onto the platform. Poncho-like jacket, a snapback that tilts over his left side, and a grinna he chews on like a toothpick. Slung over his shoulder, a hard-shell acoustic guitar case.

At the other end of the platform, a couple of BPs check the identification cards of passing pugilists. The pugilist without a name tips his hat down and roadwalks through the back exit. On his detour, the pugilist spots a bulletin board with missing posters and Prime-B.E.F. wanted lists. The stranger looks at one poster as if he faces off with a mirror. He crumples the shadow and conceals it in his pocket. 

Another flier next to it shows Pusha T-Raw on the left giving the slightest of smirks and on the right, the egregious grinning Ganja Grin with his tongue hanging out in a cheeky manner. Below are captions that read:

Roadwork over to The Project to B.E.F the Box Vill’N known punch-stakingly as The Ganja Grin! (The number one New Gack, The Fridge, couldn’t BIP this pugilist. Can you?)

The outlaw pugilist walks away, shifting his grinna with just his tongue alone, “It’s you-and-I ya Grin’N Bastard.”

On Jabbity Klub Drive, a Mad Dokta and a Grinning Dork play marbles at the entrance of The Kave.

M.D. Q hollers, “Ay son, I challenge you, ya Grin’N Gackass, to a game of the clickity clacks!”

“Gets-go then punk, I am raw!” Ganja grins. 

M.D. Q busts out a chainmail bag with marbles pouring out. A circle drawn in chalk on the ground. “Pick your poison pugilist,” Q quips. Among the pile, Ganja picks a small green jade orb with an intricate swirl on the inside. Ganja grins and holds the marble to the hubris of his right eye. M.D. Q has a girthy marble in the palm of his hand. 

“Gheat’n punk!”

M.D. Q eloquently verbal slips, “You should’ve spot-punched the terms of the engagement before accepting, ya L-Seven CD case.”  

Marbles roll on the concrete ring. Q jabs his Heavy B marble, knocking out any meek New Gacks in its path. Ganja flicks the green jade just enough to evade. Down to the last marbles, Ganja’s Hubris and Q’s Monstrosity, the two face off. As M.D. Q straight punches the mini boulder, Ganja flicks his green jade out of the way just in the nick of time, causing the Heavy B to ring out. 

“Suck a GLUV Ganja, you dirty-dirty Grin’N bastard!” Q jab checks Ganja in the arm. 

“Jab’n Much Damage!” Ganja grins as he rubs his arm. “If you can slip the terms, then so can I punk.” 

T-Raw pulls up in the Jab’d Up Jalopy, honking the horn. “Both of you quit screwing around and let’s jet.” 

Somewhere in the Prep Room, a New Gack prepares. Propped in a chair with half his grinna hanging out. The Outlaw reads “G.L.U.Vs of Wrath.” 

A silhouette in a hood enters the room. “Did you run into any trouble along the way?” 

“Couple of Pugil Police, but nothing I couldn’t slip,” the punchuko smirks, closing his book. “My Kolts were collecting dust.” 

Just then, New Gack Mack Jab roadwalks in. 

“Oh, didn’t realize other pugilists would be in here, just wanted to get my gear before The Show.” the Mack slips. 

The hooded silhouette and the Outlaw pugilist cease any further engagement in the presence of the New Gack. The hooded figure exits stage right while Outlaw opens his guitar case. The Mack, unable to see inside the case asks, “Youse’ some kind of musician my hitta?” 

Outlaw counter-slips, “Are you the New Gack known as Mack Jab?”

Mack already has his bestus holstered to his shorts inquires, “Who wants to know-what’s in da case my hitta?” 

Outlaw closes his case, revealing his instrument to be a GLUV. “Huckleberry branches, punchuko.” 

“Youse betta watch who you jab’n sucka or I’ll put The Whammy on ya!” Mack faces off with his OPP.

“On the count of three, we B.E.F,” Outlaw grits through the grinna he chews on.

Mack Jab nods. Both pugilists get in their stances. “One-” 

Outlaw brandishes a left uppercut, catching his OPP off balance, Mack slams his dome against the wall and is Beaten In Peace. Outlaw walks away without looking back as he tips his snapback. “Two types of pugilists, New Gack. Those that count and those that B.E.F. You counted,” Outlaw deadeyes. 

Box Check. Shows On. 

EXT. THE PIT – NIGHT

The Grin Unit waits ringside for Ganja’s O.P.P. to show. He paces with his head down as light beads of sweat form at the brim of his forehead. T-Raw and M.D. Q rests at the ropes. 

T-RAW: Quit acting all hype Ganja and calm down. Maybe your O.P.P. decided to just roadi-five-thousand outta here.

M.D. Q: Nah, I’ve hit it up with Mack before, he ain’t a punk, unlike the Gackass we push for.

GANJA: I resent that statement punk!

Warhol Vaude walks center ring. The mic descends from above and lights dim around The Pit, only focusing on the Vaude.

VAUDE: BHITs and B.E.F fans, there’s been a change in the lineup tonight.

A tan stallion with fine black hair whinnies from one of the entrances. On the horse is Outlaw with his B.E.F gear. The horse saunters down the aisle while Outlaw whistles a melancholy ballad that had all the BHITs pouring out of their seats.

VAUDE: A pugil-errant from another Canvas outside of West Koast. Give it up for Outlaw! 

Outlaw jumps from his steed onto the ring. He tosses his poncho and hat to Bonita, standing ringside and catches it. Still whistling his tune with little effort, he roadwalks and waits for Ganja center stage. Ganja who still seems to be in his own world paces back and forth. T-Raw tries to calm him down.

T-RAW: Alright Ganja, opportunity comes a knockin’ with a one-two. One is a surprise guest whose B-Steez we know nothing of. Two is the resolve, that you’re gonna B.E.F the way you always have since I started Push’n for ya. Now, how are we gonna respond?

Ganja grins.

GANJA: With ginga and a grin T-pilgrim. 

T-Raw tips the brim of his snapback, hiding a smirk. 

T-RAW: So be happy, Dork, be happy!

Like in a trance, Ganja goes to his Opposing Punching Pugilist. Warhol Vaude comes to set the rules of the B.E.F while rolling a big tire to the center canvas. 

VAUDE: The project is Quick Draw Box’N! Pugilists must have one foot in the designated area at all times. If one of you falls out or drops to your knees, I’ll start the count. Box Check, let’s B.E.F!

Outlaw continues to whistle his ballad.

GANJA: Such a sad ballad, jab me one with a bit of a grin to it.

OUTLAW: It’s meant for you when I B.I.P. you, punchuko.

GANJA: Grinny thing about ballads, they imply there was something to grin about before. If you think about it, sadness and a grin go hand in hand. 

OUTLAW: Yora’ testy little pugilist ain’t ya?

Ganja grins.

GANJA: I am raw!

The whole arena of Project mirages behind a red-tinted orange sphere surrounded by black. The last light of day swings in the coal of night. Ganja gets into the First Fist stance, but Outlaw keeps his bestus holstered, confusing the grinning bastard. 

VAUDE: One, two, three – Draw!

Before Ganja can get his guard up, Outlaw quickdraws his GLUV and fans six jabs to Ganja’s grin, dismantling one of his MF screws. Ganja holds his grin and takes a knee. 

VAUDE: One, two, three, four… 

By the eighth count, Ganja arises and the B.E.F continues. Ganja keeps his guard up with a heavy emphasis around his grin but leaves his body susceptible to Outlaw’s Kolts. Jab, jab, jab, followed by a reload of hooks and straight rights. The Test Tube reveled in punishment, but even T-Raw knew this was bad business for the Box Vill’N. For the rest of the round Ganja incessantly takes his foot out of the hole and takes a knee until M.D. Q could work his magic. 

M.D. Q: Grin’N Gackass!

T-RAW: What is it?

Bonita lays out the tools instrumental in repairing Ganja’s grin. M.D. Q goes to work.

BONITA: He’s suffering from implant abutment. 

CLOSE: We see the inside of Ganja’s mild-mannered mouth with some screws seemingly loosening. 

M.D. Q: Bonita, hand me the torque wrench. Target torque value should be twenty-one Ncm. 

M.D. Q does what he can in the time allotted. The leftover B.E.F continues The pugilists get in First Fist stance. 

OUTLAW: Feelin’ lucky, punchuko?

GANJA: With every grin, punk!

Outlaw places his right G.L.U.V on his elbow as if aiming a rifle. Ganja maintains his low guard. 

VAUDE: One, two, three – Draw!

Outlaw ducks and shoots his cross to Ganja’s abdomen. The Test Tube mitigates the blow with his bestus. Ganja retaliates with a Tik-Tik-Tok to Outlaw’s dome. The wanted pugilist slips each tactic from The Grinning One. Outlaw fires another round, Ganja half-stepping anyway he could. Each jab that whiffed had a ricochet sound effect followed by it. Going into the third round, Outlaw declared a final impromptu duel. 

OUTLAW: Enough slip’n the ounces Gack. Let’s settle this, pugil-errant y punchuko. Your best tactic B.E.F.s mine. First pugilist to hit the canvas loses. 

Ganja grins.

GANJA: Grin, grin. 

VAUDE: You heard it here BHITS and B.E.F. fans! Outlaw has named the Project and Test Tube pugilist Ganja Grin has agreed to the terms. On the count of three. One-

Outlaw gets into his Reap-It tactic.

VAUDE: Two-

Ganja grins with his low guard

VAUDE: Three- Draw!

Outlaw shoots his Reap-It tactic. Ganja falls backward on his back and gets into a kip-up position. The grinning bastard kicks back up, his foot landing inside the tire as he does a double punch to Outlaw’s mug. Outlaw falls back to the canvas. Vaude hails Outlaws as the winner.

BONITA: I don’t understand, didn’t Ganja technically win?

T-Raw tips the brim of his snapback down. 

T-RAW: Technically no, since Ganja was the first to fall, even if it was to evade Outlaw’s tactic.

M.D. Q: What a Gackass. He had to lose, in order to win. 

OUTLAW: Yora’ an odd pugilist punchuko.

Ganja grins. 

And that’s B.E.F.