Chapter 8 – Derange Odd Duo, Part 2

EXT. THE PIT – NIGHT

The four New Gacks stand in a diamond formation. Jax in front, Box-Mayne, BJ Jabby Jay on either side, and Ganja Grin in the rear. Tyke Bones gives a baleful stare to all of them. 

JAX: If we stay in formation and use our tactics effectively we might have a shot. I can outmaneuver him, so I’ll attack his front. Box-Mayne and BJ use whatever tactics you have to attack his vital organs on the sides. 

Ganja stared intently at his shoes, then at Jax.

GANJA: And what about me? 

JAX: I don’t care what you jab as long as you slip outta my way. 

Box-Mayne gives Jax a jab check in the shoulder. 

BOX-MAYNE: You may be a top-tier New Gack, but we don’t take orders from you Jabbit! 

In solidarity, BJ raises his GLUV. The BEF is hit. 

Box-Mayne and BJ Jabby Jay rush out of formation towards Tyke Bones, who inches his way backward to the ropes. Box-Mayne reaches the Heavy B first, but Tyke sidesteps and pushes the New Gack towards the ropes before he can strike. Box-Mayne is temporarily tangled.

BJ steps up to Tyke, launching a flurry of jabs. Tyke deflects each one with his tactic, grabbing his OPP by the shoulder blades. Jax and Ganja follow to save their fellow New Gacks, but Tyke Bones uses Blows Jabs as a shield to knock them out of the way. Still stuck in Dawg Pound’s grip, Tyke Bones delivers two left hooks to the dome. 

VAUDE: And it looks like BJ Jabby Jay is B-I-P for tha night! Can three pugilists stop this walking juggernaut? 

Warhol Vaude calls a pause. BJ Jabby Jay’s Pushas enter to drag their pugilist out of the ring, while Tyke Bones paces back and forth like a feral animal. The crowd questions the tactic employed by the Heavy B, hurdling some junk his way. Tyke Bones holds his GLUV to his head, like a hurt abomination being tormented by onlookers. The BEF resumes. Tyke Bones goes to Box-Mayne with his guard up on the ropes.

BOX-MAYNE: C’mon chump, BEF me against da ropes mayne!

Box-Mayne chastises Tyke Bones with a deplorable imitation of a dog’s growl. The behemoth tugs and pulls Box-Mayne’s guard away, occasionally getting a hit or two in, until Dawg Pound connects with a short left uppercut to the dome. 

VAUDE: And down goes Box-Mayne!

The BEF is hit. Box-Mayne gets back up and returns to the New Gack corner along with Jax and Ganja to rethink tactics. 

BOX-MAYNE: DAT WUZ A SLAUGHTERHOUSE MAYNE! BJ TOOK DOSE SHOTS TO DA DOME MAYNE! HE GONNA BIP US FO’ REALZ MAYNE! 

GANJA: Jab for yourself punk, I’m having the time of my life!

Box-Mayne spits out a quarter of blood into a bucket his Pusha holds for him. Jax lies against the ropes all cooley-like, observing Tyke Bones, while M.D. Q checks Ganja’s grin. 

JAX: Told y’all meatheads, betta come correct. Only way we’re gonna jab out of this is if we attack from multiple angles. None of us has the reach to tag his head, so wearing down the body is our best bet. I’ll jab his front, Box-Mayne you go for the sides, and Ganja… just stay outta the way.

GANJA: Whatever punk! I’ll BEF my way and you BEF yours.

T-Raw takes a mental note of Jax’s observations. The BEF is hit again and the round begins. Jax hops up to the Opposing Punching Pugilist, thumping four jabs, in succession, into Tyke Bones’ stomach. Tyke Bones retaliates with a left hook, but Jax sidesteps it with his V-step tactic. Something the jab prodigy was well known for. He would put all his weight on his lead foot, then shift in the other direction. 

Box-Mayne closes in to sink a hook into his opponent until Ganja deliberately pushes him out of the way. Tyke Bones takes this opportunity to swing, but Ganja gingas out just in the nick of time. The Dawg-Pound pugilist becomes heavily fixated solely on the Ganja Grinning Bastard. 

BOX-MAYNE: Ay- you sum kind o’ Gackass mayne? 

Ganja uses his Boom-Bap tactic, a swift left hook followed by a ginga dodge, then a right hook also followed by a ginga dodge. Unfortunately for Ganja, his punches had all the smoke, but none of the beef behind it. As Ganja bag backed, Jax would slip in with his thumper jabs. This impromptu tactic, brought on by an unlikely duo, forced Tyke Bones to be on the defensive; however, this joint strike of attacks would not last. The Heavy B telegraphs a left hook, but it goes in the opposite direction of Ganja and Jax. Box-Mayne takes a direct hit, trying to ambush from behind. Dawg Pound’s teeth sink in with lefts and rights, butchering Box-Mayne’s dome. After the onslaught, Box-Mayne falls through the ropes, his Pusha catching him at the last second before he cracks his melon. 

VAUDE: And it looks like Box-Mayne is BIP! Only a New Gack and a test tube are left. Can they escape with their slabs intact from Tyke Bones?! 

Jax gives Ganja a solemn look. 

JAX: It’s just you and me, ya hook. 

The BEF is hit yet again. Jax and Ganja return to their corner while Tyke paces in his. Pusha T-Raw and M.D. Q provides some advice and medical aid to the duo. 

JAX: I’m jab’d out of ideas. He deflects my jabs, with his hook-self. Majority of our unit is Beaten In Peace. Best to go down jab’n while we still can. 

T-Raw grabs some cream and mends a cut above Jax’s right eye. 

T-RAW: And who says you can’t go down while doing something memorable?

JAX: Yo man, you ain’t my Pusha. I don’t need ya help.

T-RAW: That maybe, but it sure seems like you can use one right about now. Given your height differences, I’m sure Tyke Bones won’t expect a tactic to the head. One of you just needs to give a boost so the other can land one. 

M.D. Q finishes checking Ganja’s grin.

GANJA: Grin and grits! I’ll–

T-RAW: Ganja, you’re the setup. Jax, you be the BEF. 

GANJA: T-Man, everybody knows white pugilists can’t jump!

JAX: But we can sure as hell uppercut.

The BEF is hit. The final round begins. Ganja leads and Jax stays at a distance behind him. Tyke Bones bares his fanged grinna trying to decipher the tactic of the odd pugilists. On the one hand was Jax Jabbit, an agile and quick jab tactician. And on the other was Ganja Grin, erratic and unpredictable. And in some cases, a Gackass. Ganja barrel rolls towards Tyke Bones, stopping just outside his reach in the form of a crouch. Jax uses Ganja as a springboard and hops up in the air, thrusting an uppercut into Tyke Bones’s jaw. Warhol Vaude goes into a frenzy. 

Tyke Bones looks up into the air in a dazed state. Jax still sprung in the air like a wuxia pugilist after a graceful air combo. This minor victory, however, was short-lived as the hulking pit bull snapped out of it and grabbed Jax mid-air by the throat.  

Although the Wild Rules of BEF dictate that grapples can be allowed in matches, they were barred for this particular one. Warhol Vaude blows the whistle.

VAUDE: Box Foul on Heavy B, Tyke Bones, for grappling New Gack Jax Jabbit! The New Gacks corner gets a free jab check. 

The crowd throws junk at Tyke Bones. Jax Jabbit still in Dawg Pound’s clutches is let go, with the bouncing New Gack gasping for air. Ganja helps Jax back up.

GANJA: Nice goin, Jeppy-Jab-Boo-Boo, this cat is about to dog us out, no grin. 

JAX: *Huff *Huff* I know you’re not talking with your hook-self. I’ll take the jab check, you just hang back and use the ropes. It’s the last round, no need to risk both of us getting BIP.

Jax faces off with Tyke Bones. A trickle of blood descended from his mug. Up close, he could telegraph the Heavy B was not amused. Even his dogs grew to be more rowdy throughout the BEF, howling as if one of their own had been hit. 

TYKE: I’ll discombobulate you and your friend back there. AS I PUNCH THE SKIN TISSUE FROM YOUR SLAB, I’LL FEED THE REMAINS TO MY DOGS. 

JAX: Dang Tyke, you betta stop ring trip’n before I phatten ya lip!

VAUDE: Draw! 

Jax uses his V-step tactic, but instead of slipping, he quickdraws a sideways jab. This tactic was called the Jabby Mac-In-Row, but Tyke had a counter-tactic for that. In a vulnerable position, Jax is clearly about to get clocked by TykeBones until –

GANJA: Hey Tykey B, you’re gonna grin this! 

Ganja pulls back on the ropes as he slingshots into the air. From that distance, he had enough force and inertia to bring Tyke down with a double-fist move to the sternum. The Heavy B tumbled backwards.

VAUDE: Down Goes Heavy B–Down Goes Heavy B–Down Goes Heavy B! 

Jax helps Ganja up, dapping his odd partner.

JAX: Dawg, you’re friggin’ crazy, but you really joob dat puge! Guess you’re not such a hook after all. 

GANJA: Thanks… punk.  

T-RAW: GANJA –CHECK YA SELF!

While Ganja had his back turned, the Heavy B recovered quickly from his fall using the martial art tactic Ukemi. Tyke Bones thrusts a dundercut, towards Ganja, but Jax pushes him out of the way. Jax absorbs the brunt of the tactic as he rebounds from the canvas and flies a couple of feet in the air. He thumps back down, motionless. Ganja goes to check on him. 

GANJA: Jax? Jax! Griminy, you BIP’D Jax!

VAUDE: Woof. BIP-A-Body, BEF-A-Dadi. Jax Jabbit is out like a light! It seems time has run out and Ganja Grin is the only one left standing from the New Gack corner. Still, I’ll have to rule this BEF in favor of the dogmatic Tyke Bones and his GLUVs, The Dawg Pound!

T-Raw and M.D. Q enter the ring. They try to revive a downed Jax. Ganja roadwalks over to Tyke Bones. He looks up to the Heavy B and grins.

GANJA: This ain’t over, ya heavy GLUV bastard. 

TYKE: Grin’N Fool, once Dawg Pound sinks its teeth into something, they never let go until that OPP is Beaten In Peace.

In the background T-Raw and M.D. Q gets Jax on a stretcher and out the ring. Tyke Bones walks away, as Ganja stands alone.  His mug shrouded in silhouette, but a grin is still visible.